I USED to think I was a great mom.  I had one kid.  We went to play dates, the park, played legos, and I never really felt the need to "escape."  Then, somehow, in the matter of 2 years...my one kid turned into THREE kids.  This, my friends, is when life threw me a curve ball.  All of a sudden everything got a little tougher, a little more tiring and A LOT more stressful.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for the world.  Being a mother is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me, but daily, I feel myself loosing my patience.  I start to get crabby  when someone won't listen, or everyone is screaming or someone is crapping their pants, and I feel myself slowly start to "loose my shit."  I HATE it that I can let myself get broken down to this point...and like many moms out there...I get that awful MOMMY GUILT thinking about how I can loose my temper at such ridiculous situations.  I lie awake at night and pray for patience!  I think back on my day and wonder how in the HELL I am able to transform from the sweet, loving MOMMY that I want to be,  to this tired, emotional and stressed out MONSTER!! 

Maybe it is because I haven't had 3, consecutive, hours of sleep in FIVE years...or, maybe it's because my day usually starts with someone staring in my face, at 6AM, asking me to wipe their butt or to get them a stick of cheese. I am not really sure if I can pinpoint when my tipping point is triggered.  I can honestly tell you, every day I start out REALLY wanting to have enough patience to deal with all of the screaming, crying, whining, boogers, crap, hitting, kicking, spitting, biting, tantrums, messes...but every night I fall asleep feeling guilty and wondering HOW IN THE WORLD I can allow 3 little angels to turn me into such a BEAST??!! 

So, my name is Jenny...and yes..I am a yeller.  I don't want to be, but I am.  I don't just start off yelling...it is normally after telling my son 10 times to sit down while eating his dinner.  Or sometimes it's because my  daughter has removed her diaper for the 5th time in one day and smeared shit all over her closet doors.  I don't know.  I don't want to do it.  It just happens, and to be honest...my kids seem to pay a lot more attention to me when I actually do loose my cool.  

Before having babies it was SO easy to judge moms who would pinch their kids in Target, just to get them to stop harassing each other in the cart.  Or maybe it was the neighbor who would threaten to leave her son in the driveway if he didn't climb into his seat RIGHT THEN!!!  It might have been a friend who would yell at her kids, "If everyone doesn't stop bothering at me, I am going to have to lock myself in the pantry!!" while attempting to have a phone conversation. But now...I understand. 

A lot of people will say...It must be soooooooooooooo easy to be a stay-at-home mom!  All you have to do is keep the house clean and play with your kids!  You get to hang around and watch Oprah, eat bon bons and pant your toenails.  Wow, wouldn't that be a DREAM JOB??  What they don't understand are the emotional battles we fight daily within our selves just to try to balance all of the crazy situations we encounter!!

Lets talk about WHY a day, in a mom's  life, might be emotionally draining. 

#1.  We clean CRAP, literally, probably 20% of the day.  Between wiping butts, cleaning bathrooms or picking up dog doo in the yard, our shit radar is on FIRE. 

#2. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Is the most used word in the house.  Gosh, it's amazing how one little word can be so amazing, beautiful and SO incredibly annoying at the same time.

#3.  Everyone seems to have selective hearing.  It might be easier just to tape record yourself and hit play.  How many times can one person ask a child to put on his shoes before they get aggervated? Seriously, W.T.F. 

#4.  We look like homeless people.  We wear our snot-sleeved shirts, faded black yoga pants and greased back pony tails out, and believe this to be totally acceptable for daily excursions.

#5.  We actually try to reason with toddlers. 

#6.  Strollers, car seats, diaper bags, snack packs, hand sanitizer are all things we have to prepare before even leaving the house.

#7.  The Witching Hour - What a total asshole.

The list could go on, because frankly...although it is the most AMAZING job in the world, one in which I thank God every night to have the privilege of doing...it is the HARDEST job, in which there is no training, preparation, or most times, recognition. 

"Mommy Guilt" sucks...and it happens to us all.  But if you are ever lying in bed at night, wondering if little Johnny will remember how you snapped at him for trying to finger the dog's butt, just remember we are all human.  If we didn't experience that guilt, maybe we wouldn't strive to be better moms.  Maybe it's the guilt that helps us to change our behaviors, see what is really important and helps us to not sweat the small stuff. 

Instead of worrying about what you DIDN'T do today, start remembering what you did do.  Laundry, cleaning, cooking, just getting all the kids dressed and teeth brushed deserves a high five!!  So maybe you lost your shit, yelled at your son, then took a shot of tequila at lunch.  We all have our moments.  You're not alone and you are not a failure.  It's our mistakes that make us stronger.  It's not an easy job, but it's the best job, and one in which you might not hear a daily "Thank You," but one which will pay out the biggest bonus in the end. 

FIRST of ALL..if you are here because you are searching for pics of vaginas...your search engine has failed you.  This is NOT a post on PORN! 



Ok, Moms...Raise your hand if you "dribble when you giggle!" Awesome, right? It's great having to wear a panty-liner 24/7 and always wondering whether it's you..or your toddler who smells like tinkle!

Here are some, oh-so familiar, scenarios....

You are in the grocery store, feel a sneeze coming on, you cross your legs, hold onto the cart and pray you don't pee!  OR your doing that spin class and the instructor yells "jump!", you're thinking..please, not in the Yoga pants!! OR (which is most of the time with me) you are yelling at a kid, and the moment you loose your shit...you piss yourself...seriously, how incredibly annoying.

OH MY GOD!!  What BULLSHIT that nobody tells you to expect this kind of stuff! I mean, you have just gone through the most painful experience in your life, followed by the most AMAZING moment of your life but  NOBODY tells you to expect your nips to feel like shredded wheat, about the poop possibility during the push...and now you are peeing in your pants??!!  Seriously, WTF.

Let's get personal.  After I had my second child, I experienced some SEVERE incontinence issues.  SEVERE.  I was totally freaking out.  I had never been told that this could happen!! THANK GOD my husband was SO understanding because it was, well, quite embarrassing!! 

My OB had told me that kegels "could help," but offered the solution of a surgery VERY quickly.  Seriously??  I am in a hospital bed, 24 hours after giving birth, and now I am being told that I needed surgery to correct a pee problem that I might have for the rest of my life??  Next answer, please....

I immediately went home and tore up my Play Group's message board:

"Did anyone else experience this?"
"OMG, the pee just happens...is it going to ever stop?"
"How sweet...you want to bring a meal? Can you stop and pick up some Depends?"

Thankfully, a mom in the group is a Physical Therapist that works SPECIFICALLY with Women's Pelvic Issues...SCORE!!  She gave me some GREAT pointers, and TRULY changed my life. 

Well, I have decided to Pay It Forward Mamas!  Thanks to the help of my dear friend, Crystal...my vagina is cured!!  No more peeing in my pants...EVER!  I can sneeze, jump, laugh and yell!! 

Today I am going to share the SECRET with all of you!  I interviewed my friend, Crystal, to find some answers that might help other moms out there, who are suffering from the "dribble."  I am hoping that people can take this information and use it to change their lives, and STOP PEEING IN THEIR PANTS!! 

This, my friends, is how to Give You Vagina a Workout!! 

First off the definition of a kegel (taken from Wikipedia):  repeatedly contracting and relaxing the muscles that form part of the pelvic floor.

Here is the interview:

ME:  What causes women to pee in their pants after having babies?

CRYSTAL:  Peeing in pants can be caused by a fallen bladder, especially if it's a large leak. It also can be because the muscles that close off the hose that urine goes through are too weak, so any increase in pressure on your abdomen, like a laugh or sneeze, squeezes your bladder which forcefully pushes urine out the hose. You want super strong muscles to stop those forces!

ME:  So should everyone just place "Depends" on their Baby Registries?  What percentage of women face this annoying issue?

CRYSTAL:  Urinary incontinence occurs in 1 out of 3 women within first year postpartum. Women who delivered vaginally or had c-section after attempted labor have 31% prevalence of UI. Women who had elective c-section have decreased prevalence of 15% UI.

ME:  Wow.  So tell me...How does one actually DO a Kegel?

CRYSTAL:  It's funny. Different key words make sense to different people. So, here are few phrases that tend to help people:

"Try stopping the flow of urine, the muscles you just used are your pelvic floor muscles. Now when you are not urinating, contract those same muscles. That is a kegel!"

"Try lifting your vagina up and in making the opening close."

"Lift the muscles between your legs up and in."

And for those who like detail:

"Think of the pelvic floor muscles as a hammock that only has 3 openings and is tied at one end to your pubic bone and the other end to your tailbone. When you pull on the ends of a hammock it lifts up and the openings close, right? Same is true when you do a kegel. These openings are around the urethra, vagina, and anus."

If you are squeezing your buttocks, thighs, holding your breath or grunting then you don't quite have it. These are tiny muscles, don't try as hard and focus on the area near vaginal opening.

ME: Hmm..doesn't sound so hard!  Just wondering, can we do this DURING Sex?  Thinking it might ROCK my husband's world..haha...

CRYSTAL:  Yes! You can do them while having sex & your husband will love it. Its actually a good way to measure your strength. You can even ask him if he can feel the contraction to see how strong you are. If he says "no" or "kind of" then you know you need to get kegeling each day. After 4 weeks of doing kegels, ask again. Let him be your strength judge! And if stopping the annoying leak isn't reason enough to strengthen, then do it to improve your sexual arousal & make your orgasms more intense (because orgasm involves involves repetitive contracting of the pelvic floor muscles).

ME:  Sweet!  Hmm..maybe I will save that for a special occasion.  Ok, how do you know if you are doing them the right way?

CRYSTAL:  If you stop the flow of urine, it's right. Don't try this very much though because can lead to infection. Just make sure you are lifting up and in, not bearing down, and that your buttocks and thighs aren't moving. A correct kegel is so discreet that no one watching you should be able to tell you are doing anything!!

ME:  Hmmm..  ok, what if things DON'T get better.  What are the options?

CRYSTAL:  If they don't work, be really honest with yourself. Did you do at least 30 per day? If you really did, then ask your OB to check your technique. She may give a simple change or decide more is going on and refer you to PT. You may also be a candidate for surgery.
If you have pain with kegels, STOP doing them and talk to your OB to consider referral to PT.

ME:  So what is a visit with a PT like to help with this issue?

CRYSTAL:  A physical therapist sees people with incontinence because we are the musculoskeletal experts and their OB, urogynecologist, urologist, or PCP determined that the leaking is a musculoskeletal problem. Pelvic PT is for people who tried kegels at home and just don't see improvement. Also for those with pelvic pain.

A PT will perform a 2 part examination for incontinence.
1. Pelvic exam: this looks and feels like a gynecologic examination, but we are not looking for disease, rather looking for how the muscles and nerves are working or not working.
--Is sensation normal? Reflexes normal? Is there abnormal tension on muscles, muscle spasms, or scar tissue restricting ability of muscles to stretch and contract.

2. Posture examination, muscle length and strength assessment of core, low back, hips, knees, and ankles.
--faulty alignment can cause increased pressure on pelvic floor.

Treatment
--Biofeedback to increase awareness of kegel muscles. This is where we put electrodes outside on perineum, you do a contraction and watch a bar graph that increases as you contract more.
--Personalized exercise routine including stretches/strength for postural alignment and appropriate level of kegel exercises
--Some people need relaxation training instead of strengthening. If you keep the muscles contracted all day long, they are too weak to work when you need them. We use biofeedback, stretching, manual therapy, and e-stim for this.
--Scar tissue massage
--manual release of muscle spasms
--Functional exercises to get you back to your every day life!

ME:  Wow, that seems pretty personal.  Ok, What about all of these devices I see on google that claim to be exercise equipment for your vagina...that sounds kinky.

CRYSTAL:  Vaginal weights: not necessary, but some people like having "things" to help them exercise. Kind of like you can do lunges & kicks to keep your legs toned or you can buy any array of fancy machines to do the same job. Most important is to be CONSISTENT. So, if hitting the vaginal weights makes you feel more sporty & more likely to exercise, then great! But if it sounds like a hassle you are just fine without them!

ME:  Ok, good to know.  So  does incontinence get worse depending on how many babies a woman delivers?

CRYSTAL:  No. The severity of leaking does not get worse with non-traumatic multiple deliveries. However, every time you have a vaginal delivery there is a 1/3 chance of developing UI. So, regardless of whether you were one of the lucky two or unlucky one, your chances are the same each delivery.

ME:  What could cause a delivery to result in incontinence?

CRYSTAL:  The risk factors for urinary incontinence are: birth weight, duration of second stage of labor (the pushing and delivery part), instrument use (forceps or vacuum etc), and vaginal delivery or attempted labor followed by c-section.

ME:  Interesting.  OK, any last thoughts, tips or recommendations for moms going through this issue?

CRYSTAL:  Sure, let me summarize:

How do you stop the leaking?
By STRENGTHENING pelvic floor muscles with kegels and COORDINATING them.

STRENGTHEN

If you are strong enough to stop flow of urine and know you ARE NOT contracting extra muscles...then...

Position:
Sit, stand, lie down, (any position works) to begin the exercise.
Where:
You can do kegels anywhere! In the car (when stopped), in line at store, while changing a diaper...
How many?
Shoot to do 30 kegels by end of the day. Usually this means 3 sets of 10. If you are fatigued wait and start again later.
How long?
Contract (lift up and in) at 50% for 10 sec, rest for 10-20 sec  **For an extra challenge do several quick flicks at full effort.

If you can slow flow of urine, but can't stop it then:

Position:
Lie down on your back or side to begin.
Where:
Choose a quiet room with no distractions. It is important to carve out the time to do these with no distractions at first, once you are stronger you won't have to do this.
How many?
Try to do 30 by the end of each day. Usually you want to do 6 sets of 5 reps.
How long?
Contract the muscle for 2-3 sec, then rest for 10 sec.

COORDINATION
Practice contracting before you cough. Do a few fake coughs a day to make this a natural activity. Then always contract before and during a laugh, cough, sneeze, or lift!

ME:  Thanks Crystal, you are amazing.  I hope you know how much you have changed my life..and hopefully will be changing others' too. 

CRYSTAL:  Glad to help! It's not a glamorous job, but it truly improves lives! Women so rarely discuss these issues in public. A forum like this blog is invaluable to spreading the word!! Your personal story is one so many can relate to. I hope this information helps others as well.

Well, there you have it.  Hoping this will change some lives!  Nothing is worse than thinking you have to suffer forever.  IT IS JUST NOT TRUE!!  Please use this information to help yourself!!  SHARE it with other moms!  You never know who could use it! 

Thanks to Crystal Hazelton, Physical Therapist. 

She is an orthopedic physical therapist specializing in Women's Health and Pelvic Dysfunction.  She also helps with injuries or pain in shoulder, hip, knee, foot/ankle, neck, back, sacroiliac joint, pelvis, interstitial cystitis, endometriosis, urinary/fecal incontinence for men and women, constipation, dyspareunia (pain with intercourse), prolapse, vulvodynia, vaginissmus, pre and post-operative care, pre-natal and postpartum care.



"I believe in treating the whole person so they have the power to move forward with an improved quality of life!"

If you would like to make an appointment to visit with Crystal, you can find her contact info here...http://www.comprehensivetherapy.com/

Some of you may know, I was a Home Economics major in college. It's actually called Family and Consumer Sciences now, but still focuses on cooking, sewing etc.   It was a REALLY fun degree! I took tons of fashion/clothing courses and of course, there was a lot of cooking!

What do you do with a Family and Consumer Science Degree you may ask!  Well, I was supposed to teach school...but ended up a Stay At Home Mom...so I think the degree was eventually put to good use! 

Since I took A LOT of cooking courses, I have mastered a couple of dishes.  One, is a KICK ASS lasagna.  Having the three kids always at my feet, I usually end up resorting to those 3-item recipes! Occasionally though,  if I have a mommy friend who has had a baby, or I'm trying to impress friends with a dinner party, I will whip out this bad boy.  It is really NOT that hard.  The boiling of the noodles is the biggest pain.  (And yes...you can use the no-boil noodles, but they are not as good!)

My husband told me the last recipe I posted was the WORST set of cooking instructions he had ever read!!  Since most of my recipes are in my head, it's hard to give EXACT measurements...but I will do my best!  Sorry ahead of time if it's fragmented!  Just leave a comment if you have a question!

Jenny's Kick-Ass Home Made Lasagna
 
You will need:

FOR THE MEAT SAUCE
1.5 lbs of ground beef or turkey
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 large onion, chopped
1 tbsp of fresh basil, chopped
1 tbsp of fresh oregano, chopped
1 tsp of salt (I normally add more, to taste, after cooking)
1 large can of tomato sauce
2 6oz cans of tomato paste
1 cup of water

FOR THE CHEESE SAUCE
1 lb of cottage cheese
1 lb of ricotta cheese
2 beaten eggs
2 tsp of salt
1/2 tsp of pepper
2 tbs of fresh parsley
1/2 cup of grated Parmesan cheese

Package of lasagna noodles
1 lb of mozzarella cheese
Extra chopped basil for garnish

MEAT
1.  Put water on boil for the noodles.  Tip:  To get the exact number of noodles you will need, go ahead and line your dish twice.
2. Combine your tomato sauce and paste in a pot and simmer. 
3.  Brown your meat and drain. Add  tomato sauce.  NOTE: Your water is probably boiling so put in the noodles!
4.  Saute your garlic and onion in olive oil. Add to tomato sauce.
5.  Add all of your herbs, salt and Cup of Water.
Simmer all of this for about 30 min.  Drain your noodles and run them under luke-warm water to cool. (This will make them easier to separate.  If you let them dry, they tend to get sticky.)

CHEESE
1.  Combine all of the cheese ingredients.  EASY.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER
1.  Start with the noodles.  Make a layer on the bottom of your dish.
2.  Add a layer of the cheese.
3.  Add a layer of meat.
4.  Repeat the layering process, one more time.
5.  Top with the mozzarella cheese if you are ready to bake right away.  If you are giving it away, or saving in your freezer, save the cheese until it is ready to be baked.
6.  Bake at 375 for 35-40 min (or until the cheese gets bubbly) 
7.  Garnish with basil on top

So it sounds like a lot of work...and it kinda is...but it is SO good, even the kids like it!!  I can't tell you how many times I have been asked to pass along the recipe!  So hope you try it!

**When giving away, I normally include a salad, loaf of french bread and some cookies.  If you want to be really awesome, add a bottle of wine!**

If you want to make this recipe REALLY easy, use all store-bought sauce, no-bake noodles and frozen herbs and garlic!  Takes about 30 min off the time and is still pretty yummy!! 

Do you ever have those days when you feel like you are in a video game, just trying to make it to the next level before EXPLODING??  The kids are running around like they are on speed, the house looks like an episode from hoarders and all you can think about is locking yourself in your closet, shooting tequila and listening to blaring music on your ipod?  Listen...YOU ARE NOT ALONE...or wait, maybe I AM NOT ALONE!? 

There is NOBODY who loves my kids more than I do.  They are the air I breathe and the reason I wake up each day.  I never, EVER, could have imagined how much Motherhood would change my life. 

Good? YES. 
CRAZY. DEFINITELY.

I mean, I seriously asked for an electric toothbrush for Christmas.  WTF has happened here?  I spend my days cleaning the SAME mess 100 times!!  My NUMBER ONE most used word, well, I guess it is a sound, is SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I haven't had 6 consecutive hours of sleep in 4 years.  Most days I start my morning with a toddler in my face asking me to wipe his butt.  I own about 12 pairs of faded black yoga pants.  I am lucky if I take a shower AT ALL, and a fun day out is a Target shopping trip, without my kids.   Somebody TELL ME this sounds FAMILIAR!! 

So, I guess it is safe to say I am a little, well kind of a lot, stressed.  The Holidays really wore me out this year.  Shopping for 3 kids, burnt out tree lights, broken timers, FUCKING cake pops (NEVER AGAIN)....it was just a little much.  But I must say, there is nothing like dinner with a great friend (and experienced mom) to shift back my mommy world, to somewhat normal, and make me realize things shouldn't be this hard!  Yes!!  You heard me,  THINGS SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD. 

Wait...how can this be?   How in the world, as a SAHM am I supposed to balance the emotional stress with the other 5000 job titles I take on, daily?  Well....follow the advice given to me by my bitchin' mommy friend, Lesley.  Ready...say the following out loud....

JUST SAY FUCK IT....doesn't that feel awesome???

The playroom is a pig sty again?  You've only cleaned it up 50 times today.  The kids don't want to sing the clean-up song and help out?  Ready...FUCK IT.  Leave it a mess, close the door and think about what bottle you are going to open for Happy Hour. 

You are feeling like a bad mom because your kids have been watching TV for 3 days straight?  Ugh, art projects are so great, but what a mess!  FUCK IT.  Pull out the paint, put on an old t-shirt and leave the mess for daddy.  He can take control of the chaos for ONE night!  When he comes home, just ask him if he would mind cleaning up while you slip into something a little more..comfortable.  Always works! 

I think we should all take Lesley's advice, every now and then, and really just give ourselves a BREAK!  This motherhood thing isn't a TRAINED profession!! You don't get an instruction book and NOBODY can ever be prepared for what's in store.  **Motherjudgers** have made us all antsy, wondering if we are doing things the right way, questioning the decisions we make and causing us to feeling guilty for not being a 24/7 SUPER MOM.  It's time to take a stand, put down the toilet wand and ENJOY this time!  Our kids grow so fast and the world is forever changing.  Let's stop putting so much pressure on ourselves and start doing the things WE WANT to do! 

I challenge everyone to eat a cupcake for breakfast, leave the dishes in the sink and take a nap with your toddler. In a year you won't care if there were crushed goldfish on the floorboard of your car, or if the crib sheet didn't get changed.  Just say (say it with me now) FUCK IT and enjoy the moment!!  This is what having kids is all about!!  CRAZY, HECTIC, INSANE, ANNOYING, HARD, OVERWHELMING, TIRING...but OOOOHHHHH SO WORTH IT! 

**Motherjudger:  The complete ASSHOLE who likes to give un-wanted advice, judgmental looks and condescending comments, referring to the choices and decisions you choose to make, regarding the management of your family.

A year or so ago, I started an AMAZING mommy group on Facebook.  I wanted to connect my friends from high school, from college and from San Diego.  I was also tired of everyone, and their BROTHER, seeing my posts about fighting with strollers, poop in the bathtub and the constant battle with my muffin top!!  So...Day Drinking and Diaper Changing was born!!  It has grown to over 600 moms and has been such an amazing place to connect with people that,  I feel, are IN THE SAME PLACE as me! 

If you are looking to connect with a great group of moms, swing over and check us out!  There are only a couple of rules...Most important one (that no one EVER breaks!!) is NO MOTHERJUDGING!! We also ask that there is no business promotions...sharing mommy blog links are fine!  Anything goes, your posts are safe (it's a private group) and every MOM is welcome.  Once a member, you can add any of your Facebook friends, just as long as they are MOMMAS!

Here are some of my favorite posts from 2012....ENJOY!

• We are on a 5hr road trip....I just used the "emergency potty" in our mini-van. The kids can't stop laughing at me on that tiny potty. Desperate times calls for desperate measures.

• After another long sleepless night, I cracked. At 330 this morning I put the baby next to daddy, I took a shower, got dressed, and left. I drove to the other side of our small gated community, climbed in the back of the car, and while trying to get comfortable on a bag of sand toys and sandwiched between the double Bob and the car wall, I went to sleep. A full 90 minutes of sleep. I wonder if my husband wonders where I am.

• This morning, after getting all my kids in the car for school, I shut the car doors and opened up the stroller.  I pushed it into the driveway, sat down and drank my cup of coffee.  Who cares what the neighbors think.

• confession.... sometimes I pretend to need to use the bathroom just to have time alone. Hubby won't bug me in there and the kids are getting better about leaving me be in there too.

• weird mom confession.... Thursdays can be crazy at my house, my oldest has dance class, homework and they both need baths so sometimes both girls are cranky and dinners not going quickly enough so I feed them while they are in the bathtub...

• Dear Auntie B, Thanks for sending Mikey (name changed), that toy monkey that sits on my son's shoulder. It makes fabulous burp and fart noises, as well as masturbatory gestures at the touch of a button. That should be a big hit in church.


• Once I wore yoga pants all day, slept in them, then rolled out of bed and started my day. It was not until late the second day that I realized I never changed, never showered. You think I would have done something about it but no, I just shrugged and laughed to myself at the train wreck that I have become.
• 
  My children cry everytime my butt hits the toilet. It's like the lid has a buzzer or something. I won't pee all day sometimes haha.....
• 
  Instead of walking 30ft to the bathroom, my hubby chooses to pee in the backyard by the grill.  (more than once). Yes, in the line of traffic where my kids stomp through & play. I'm so lucky! Don't be jealous ladies.

My ALL TIME favorite POST was one asking what are some GROSS things  husbands do... Some of the responses were SO funny that I actually had to start doing kegels while reading them!

• When he takes off his dirty socks and underwear, he sniffs them before putting them in the hamper. AND THEN... Sometimes he'll ask me if I want to sniff. He swears that his socks and shoes smell like buttered popcorn. I think he genuinely likes the smell. Please make me feel better and share something grosser than that.

• Honestly, as far as gross things my husband does, there are WAY to many to list. He does all the fart comments here, but if i fart he honestly acts like its the end of the world. He blows nose in the shower, pees in the shower and in the sink... scratches his balls then smells his fingers (seriously, eww.) leaves his nasty work (he is a mechanic) socks all over the house. I seriously married a caveman. but worst of all, he used he "pleasure" himself at the computer, finish on the carpet, and just rub it into the carpet with his feet. i found this out one day when deep cleaning the office, and could not for the life of me figure out where all the stains had come from under the desk. i asked and he told me. i was livid and disgusted and told him he was paying to have the carpet cleaned asap, and if he ever did it again i would cut his pecker off. he knew i meant it and stopped doing that. i think i win the gross out game!

Alright moms....here is a link to a page listing ALL of our Good Acorn groups!  Check them out, and see if any look like they might be right for you!  Also, stop by the Good Acorn FB page and give me a LIKE!  You will stay up-to-date on all of the mom conversations and my Day Drinking and Diaper Changing posts! 

I couldn't ask for a better husband. His name is John, we met 11 years ago and it was love at first sight!!  Really, he is awesome.  He is GREAT with the kids!!  He plays trains, changes diapers, gives baths, packs lunches...you name it...TOTAL HANDS ON DAD!!

In the "Husband Department," he wins too!  He cleans the kitchen EVERY night!  He is "understanding" when I text him 50 times a day about random crap that drives me crazy!!  He is cool about unreasonable purchases and acts concerned when I tell him I have NOTHING to wear!! 

But every once in a while, he manages to do something that deserves the wifely punishment!!  So after being married for 7 years, having 3 kids, living in 4 cities and having 4 jobs....I have finally learned the EASY way to get satisfaction when I am pissed at my husband.  See, fighting and name calling just doesn't work. When you do that, you just create this tension in the house, name calling isn't nice...and everyone gets pissed.  So, this is what I have found that works.  Little things, that you know piss HIM off...but he can't PROVE that you did them on purpose!  HA!

1. "Accidentally" leave a toddler toy in his parking spot in the garage, so he has to either park in the driveway or get out and move it before pulling in.
2. Shave your arm pits or bikini line with his razor.
3. Fold up one of your socks in with his...so when he is at the gym in the morning he has no other option than wearing a sock that is going to slide down his leg all day.
4. Make salmon for dinner.
5. Have your toddler eat popcorn on his side of the bed.
6. "Accidentally" move his towel across the room while he is in the shower..then go downstairs.
7. Post something about his "Clay Aiken" CD on his facebook page.
8. Throw something with dried baby vomit into the dryer with his white shirts.
9. Put on self tanner before bed.
10. Hide the baby wipes before leaving on your "Mommy Day Out."

Anyone else have any good ones??  If so, post and share!  Pay it forward girls...we could all use a good laugh and some tips on keeping our homes happy!!

Get ready to read the EASIEST and most ADDICTING Christmas Candy recipe EVER!  I make this Crack every year!!  My neighbors, doctors, the UPS guy...all look forward to it, and have been known to ask for extra bags! ENJOY.






This is a recipe that was handed down from my Mom, so I have no idea on measurements.   You will have to "eye-ball" your own batch!

What You Need:

White Melting Chocolates (I buy bags of these from Michaels. I normally use about 4)
Large Bag of small pretzels
Large Container of Peanuts
Parchment Paper

What You Do:

Melt the chocolate
Add peanuts and pretzels.  Mix around.
Lay out on parchment paper to dry.

This year I added sprinkles.  My kids loved it.  They mixed the pretzels and peanuts while I melted the chocolate (which I did in the microwave...SO EASY).  Before the chocolate dried they sprinkled the balls on top. 

I am always on the hunt for new, EASY Christmas candy/treat ideas!  So if you have an idea, please share your link!

Some people might be disappointed in this type of behavior. While I definitely don't condone it...I laughed till I cried reading this email.  Enjoy.






Dear Jenny -

I hope you enjoy the subject line of this e-mail.  There is never a dull day at preschool, and I figured you're sense of humor would enjoy this.  Not sure it will make it into the baby book, but thought you should know about this to keep your eye out for any potential copy-cat attempts by John.

On the playground after lunch, M. spotted a preschooler squatting behind the bike shed, pants down, and J. standing guard.  Here is the story M. was able to gather after taking with J. and his friend.

Friend:  I have to go poop.  I'm gonna go back here. 
J:  You have to go inside. 
F:  No, I'm gonna go out here. 
J:  Ok, I'm gonna let nobody see.
F:  That's a good idea.  (J stands in front of his friend while he poops behind the bike shed, before M spots the two)

Then, the following conversation happened...

Ms M:  Do you like ____?
J:  Oh yes. 
Ms. M:  If you want to keep playing with him, then you need to make good choices together. 
J:  I told him to poop inside. 
Ms. M:  Ok.  But if he chooses to make a bad choice, then you need to tell a teacher so we can help him make a better one. 
J:  Ok. 
Ms. M:  If it's too hard for you to make good choices together, playing with ____ won't be a choice for you at all. 
J::  Ok. 
Ms. M:  After rest time, _____ needs to make play choices away from you.  You can play together on the next preschool day.  
J:  Ok. 

J's friend said they were playing, "Guess who pooped outside?"  Quite the game if you ask me.  I'm sure corporate America can't wait to market such a gem.  This certain friend was also part of another fun game a few weeks earlier, "Slap that granny's bum", which involved a certain (un)lucky and unsuspecting grandmother coming to pick up her grandson after lunch.  Apparently J was with him at the time - it is unclear to what extent J was involved with devising the granny bum game.  

I hope you appreciate all the amazing games J is learning while at school.  We'll keep an eye on the dynamic between J and his buddy.  In the meantime, you might want to keep an eye out for Jrecreating any of these antics outside of school.  Let us know if you see anything unusual.  

Let me know if you have any questions,

D.