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Boxer Sniffing Husbands and Masturbating Monkeys! - The BEST of Day Drinking and Diaper Changing 2012!

12/28/2012

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A year or so ago, I started an AMAZING mommy group on Facebook.  I wanted to connect my friends from high school, from college and from San Diego.  I was also tired of everyone, and their BROTHER, seeing my posts about fighting with strollers, poop in the bathtub and the constant battle with my muffin top!!  So...Day Drinking and Diaper Changing was born!!  It has grown to over 600 moms and has been such an amazing place to connect with people that,  I feel, are IN THE SAME PLACE as me! 

If you are looking to connect with a great group of moms, swing over and check us out!  There are only a couple of rules...Most important one (that no one EVER breaks!!) is NO MOTHERJUDGING!! We also ask that there is no business promotions...sharing mommy blog links are fine!  Anything goes, your posts are safe (it's a private group) and every MOM is welcome.  Once a member, you can add any of your Facebook friends, just as long as they are MOMMAS!

Here are some of my favorite posts from 2012....ENJOY!

  • We are on a 5hr road trip....I just used the "emergency potty" in our mini-van. The kids can't stop laughing at me on that tiny potty. Desperate times calls for desperate measures.

  • After another long sleepless night, I cracked. At 330 this morning I put the baby next to daddy, I took a shower, got dressed, and left. I drove to the other side of our small gated community, climbed in the back of the car, and while trying to get comfortable on a bag of sand toys and sandwiched between the double Bob and the car wall, I went to sleep. A full 90 minutes of sleep. I wonder if my husband wonders where I am.

  • This morning, after getting all my kids in the car for school, I shut the car doors and opened up the stroller.  I pushed it into the driveway, sat down and drank my cup of coffee.  Who cares what the neighbors think.

  • confession.... sometimes I pretend to need to use the bathroom just to have time alone. Hubby won't bug me in there and the kids are getting better about leaving me be in there too.

  • weird mom confession.... Thursdays can be crazy at my house, my oldest has dance class, homework and they both need baths so sometimes both girls are cranky and dinners not going quickly enough so I feed them while they are in the bathtub...



  • Dear Auntie B, Thanks for sending Mikey (name changed), that toy monkey that sits on my son's shoulder. It makes fabulous burp and fart noises, as well as masturbatory gestures at the touch of a button. That should be a big hit in church.

  • Once I wore yoga pants all day, slept in them, then rolled out of bed and started my day. It was not until late the second day that I realized I never changed, never showered. You think I would have done something about it but no, I just shrugged and laughed to myself at the train wreck that I have become.

  • My children cry everytime my butt hits the toilet. It's like the lid has a buzzer or something. I won't pee all day sometimes haha.....

  • Instead of walking 30ft to the bathroom, my hubby chooses to pee in the backyard by the grill.  (more than once). Yes, in the line of traffic where my kids stomp through & play. I'm so lucky! Don't be jealous ladies.

My ALL TIME favorite POST was one asking what are some GROSS things  husbands do... Some of the responses were SO funny that I actually had to start doing kegels while reading them!

  • When he takes off his dirty socks and underwear, he sniffs them before putting them in the hamper. AND THEN... Sometimes he'll ask me if I want to sniff. He swears that his socks and shoes smell like buttered popcorn. I think he genuinely likes the smell. Please make me feel better and share something grosser than that.


  • Honestly, as far as gross things my husband does, there are WAY to many to list. He does all the fart comments here, but if i fart he honestly acts like its the end of the world. He blows nose in the shower, pees in the shower and in the sink... scratches his balls then smells his fingers (seriously, eww.) leaves his nasty work (he is a mechanic) socks all over the house. I seriously married a caveman. but worst of all, he used he "pleasure" himself at the computer, finish on the carpet, and just rub it into the carpet with his feet. i found this out one day when deep cleaning the office, and could not for the life of me figure out where all the stains had come from under the desk. i asked and he told me. i was livid and disgusted and told him he was paying to have the carpet cleaned asap, and if he ever did it again i would cut his pecker off. he knew i meant it and stopped doing that. i think i win the gross out game!

Alright moms....here is a link to a page listing ALL of our Good Acorn groups!  Check them out, and see if any look like they might be right for you!  Also, stop by the Good Acorn FB page and give me a LIKE!  You will stay up-to-date on all of the mom conversations and my Day Drinking and Diaper Changing posts! 


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When your husband pisses you off...

12/18/2012

12 Comments

 
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I couldn't ask for a better husband. His name is John, we met 11 years ago and it was love at first sight!!  Really, he is awesome.  He is GREAT with the kids!!  He plays trains, changes diapers, gives baths, packs lunches...you name it...TOTAL HANDS ON DAD!!

In the "Husband Department," he wins too!  He cleans the kitchen EVERY night!  He is "understanding" when I text him 50 times a day about random crap that drives me crazy!!  He is cool about unreasonable purchases and acts concerned when I tell him I have NOTHING to wear!! 

But every once in a while, he manages to do something that deserves the wifely punishment!!  So after being married for 7 years, having 3 kids, living in 4 cities and having 4 jobs....I have finally learned the EASY way to get satisfaction when I am pissed at my husband.  See, fighting and name calling just doesn't work. When you do that, you just create this tension in the house, name calling isn't nice...and everyone gets pissed.  So, this is what I have found that works.  Little things, that you know piss HIM off...but he can't PROVE that you did them on purpose!  HA!

  1. "Accidentally" leave a toddler toy in his parking spot in the garage, so he has to either park in the driveway or get out and move it before pulling in.
  2. Shave your arm pits or bikini line with his razor.
  3. Fold up one of your socks in with his...so when he is at the gym in the morning he has no other option than wearing a sock that is going to slide down his leg all day.
  4. Make salmon for dinner.
  5. Have your toddler eat popcorn on his side of the bed.
  6. "Accidentally" move his towel across the room while he is in the shower..then go downstairs.
  7. Post something about his "Clay Aiken" CD on his facebook page.
  8. Throw something with dried baby vomit into the dryer with his white shirts.
  9. Put on self tanner before bed.
  10. Hide the baby wipes before leaving on your "Mommy Day Out."

Anyone else have any good ones??  If so, post and share!  Pay it forward girls...we could all use a good laugh and some tips on keeping our homes happy!!

12 Comments

We all love Christmas Crack

12/13/2012

1 Comment

 
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Get ready to read the EASIEST and most ADDICTING Christmas Candy recipe EVER!  I make this Crack every year!!  My neighbors, doctors, the UPS guy...all look forward to it, and have been known to ask for extra bags! ENJOY.






This is a recipe that was handed down from my Mom, so I have no idea on measurements.   You will have to "eye-ball" your own batch!

What You Need:

White Melting Chocolates (I buy bags of these from Michaels. I normally use about 4)
Large Bag of small pretzels
Large Container of Peanuts
Parchment Paper

What You Do:

Melt the chocolate
Add peanuts and pretzels.  Mix around.
Lay out on parchment paper to dry.

This year I added sprinkles.  My kids loved it.  They mixed the pretzels and peanuts while I melted the chocolate (which I did in the microwave...SO EASY).  Before the chocolate dried they sprinkled the balls on top. 

I am always on the hunt for new, EASY Christmas candy/treat ideas!  So if you have an idea, please share your link!


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Poopin' On the Playground / Slap that Granny's Fanny

12/13/2012

3 Comments

 
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Some people might be disappointed in this type of behavior. While I definitely don't condone it...I laughed till I cried reading this email.  Enjoy.






Dear Jenny -

I hope you enjoy the subject line of this e-mail.  There is never a dull day at preschool, and I figured you're sense of humor would enjoy this.  Not sure it will make it into the baby book, but thought you should know about this to keep your eye out for any potential copy-cat attempts by John.

On the playground after lunch, M. spotted a preschooler squatting behind the bike shed, pants down, and J. standing guard.  Here is the story M. was able to gather after taking with J. and his friend.

Friend:  I have to go poop.  I'm gonna go back here. 
J:  You have to go inside. 
F:  No, I'm gonna go out here. 
J:  Ok, I'm gonna let nobody see.
F:  That's a good idea.  (J stands in front of his friend while he poops behind the bike shed, before M spots the two)

Then, the following conversation happened...

Ms M:  Do you like ____?
J:  Oh yes. 
Ms. M:  If you want to keep playing with him, then you need to make good choices together. 
J:  I told him to poop inside. 
Ms. M:  Ok.  But if he chooses to make a bad choice, then you need to tell a teacher so we can help him make a better one. 
J:  Ok. 
Ms. M:  If it's too hard for you to make good choices together, playing with ____ won't be a choice for you at all. 
J::  Ok. 
Ms. M:  After rest time, _____ needs to make play choices away from you.  You can play together on the next preschool day.  
J:  Ok. 

J's friend said they were playing, "Guess who pooped outside?"  Quite the game if you ask me.  I'm sure corporate America can't wait to market such a gem.  This certain friend was also part of another fun game a few weeks earlier, "Slap that granny's bum", which involved a certain (un)lucky and unsuspecting grandmother coming to pick up her grandson after lunch.  Apparently J was with him at the time - it is unclear to what extent J was involved with devising the granny bum game.  

I hope you appreciate all the amazing games J is learning while at school.  We'll keep an eye on the dynamic between J and his buddy.  In the meantime, you might want to keep an eye out for Jrecreating any of these antics outside of school.  Let us know if you see anything unusual.  

Let me know if you have any questions,

D.

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